What one thing would you hold that would represent your whole life?  

I belong to an heritage of work hard, play hard, live long, live happy and live well. I believe that part of what helps my family to live long and to live well is a combination of taking care of our physical bodies and the mental attitude that most of us live by.  I feel that our religious beliefs foster a positive approach to both living and to dying. I believe that my family continues after death and that on the other side of life, all my family will be waiting for me like one giant family reunion, full of love, continuing on the relationships we have formed here in our mortal life.  I believe that we take all our relationships with us into the next life; therefore, they are all vital to me.  This belief fosters a desire to cherish and grow and nurture all of my earthly relationships.   Friends and Family will all be reunited after death. In this belief there is no sorrow in death, only the sadness that for now, while I am still a traveler here in mortality, I cannot talk to, or see my friends and family that have gone on before me.  But I will be able to converse and enjoy their sociality after I have passed on from this life.  I feel that this belief helps me to not fear death or aging.  It is a part of the experience of living.  There must be opposition in all things.  This gift of faith and belief has been passed down through our family and I look to my grandmothers and my own parents and my husband’s parents as examples of living this belief and the joy it can bring.  

As my body ages I know that there are some things I will not be able to control. I think about losing my hearing, and know this would be hard for me. I love the sounds of things and people.  I know that eyes go as well but somehow losing my sight is not as worrisome as not being able to hear a child whisper a secret “I love you” and then giggle at the sharing of such a secret.  I also know that because as we age we become less agile, and I was never a graceful person to start with, I think about how I would cope with a fall or break.  I have watched as several friends have coped with the replacement of joints and the difficult time it is to recover. For some the resting and allowing things to heal is difficult, this would be me. And for some the physical therapy that follows the resting period can be painful and hard and so is put off resulting in loss of motion or muscle. I would like to think that would not be me. I believe to age gracefully a person must do all that they can for as long as they can and then accept when they cannot do something and allow others to serve them by helping when it is needed.  I loved having my husband’s father here in our home for his last 10 years of life.  He was a gift to our children as he allowed them to render service and he, in return was able to share his life with them in a deeper and more personal way.

I believe I will continue to live as I do now. Trying to eat well and walk every day and remembering to brush my teeth every night even if it has been an all-nighter at the computer. I would think that for me now if is more about my attitude and less about quitting a bad habit. I continue to try and learn about what new finding is coming down the health road and continue to pay attention to what my body is telling me, mostly get enough sleep.  But I also believe that God knows how long I am here for, and when he calls me home I will go knowing that I will not be alone for long if I die before My husband or that having been alone, I will no longer be so.

I have thought quite a bit about what I could hold that would represent my journey through this life.  How do you sum up a person’s life in one thing?  I thought perhaps some sheet music to represent all the music in my life, as a participant, and as a listener, and a teacher.  I thought about how my children and their friends and family through the years have gathered in my kitchen to partake of good food and good conversation from early morning to late into the night, and this could be represented by the pink rolling pin that was given to me after my first adventure with breast cancer.  I thought about a life of devotion to my family and my Father in Heaven.  How my religion is precious to me and how the words of the prophets have sustained me through many trials. Perhaps my scriptures would be appropriate in this case.  My son suggested I compose an opera about all of this and hold that.  I believe however, that if I had to choose today, it would be the hand of my husband.  He represents all that I am.  He is my forever family, my strength and my friend.  He is the reason I was blessed with such love in our children and such joy and laughter in our home.  I would be a different person were it not for the journey I have walked with him. And it has always been his hand in mine that has gotten me through all that I have traveled through. His hand I held, as I shed tears of sadness at the loss of brothers who I thought were too young to die, and parents who would not live to see grandchildren grow into young adults and parents.  It was his hand that never left my side through several surgeries and his hand that held mine as I received every diagnosis.  His hand has given me the strength to stand on my own when life was frightening and his hand that cheered and clapped for me when I did not fall on my face at some new adventure.   Yes I believe that I will hold his hand, now, always and forever.